Y.S.

day one of relapse

2009-09-07T14:24:48Z

one working day post-your departure i seized your territory; a fresh start but a fitting euphemism. i should be - must be, therefore - able to last another 52 weeks.

...

Help me
I think I'm falling
In love with you
Are you going to let me go there by myself
That's such a lonely thing to do
-joni mitchell

psychopathic success

2009-02-09T05:36:06Z

In 2005, psychologists Belinda Board and Katarina Fritzon at the University of Surrey, UK, interviewed and gave personality tests to high-level British executives and compared their profiles with those of criminal psychiatric patients at Broadmoor Hospital in the UK. They found that three out of eleven personality disorders were actually more common in managers than in the disturbed criminals:

Histrionic personality disorder: including superficial charm, insincerity, egocentricity and manipulation
Narcissistic personality disorder: including grandiosity, self-focused lack of empathy for others, exploitativeness and independence
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder: including perfectionism, excessive devotion to work, rigidity, stubbornness and dictatorial tendencies

They described the business people as successful psychopaths and the criminals as unsuccessful psychopaths.

again thanks to wikipedia

guilty pleasure #760981

2009-01-19T13:01:18Z

can't help that it's one of my favourite songs, one i belt out in my dreams, or sometimes, shower.

hobozz @ 2009-01-11T12:35:00

2009-01-11T03:36:52Z

不能只要快樂而不要悲傷，
不能只要豐富而不要缺乏，
不能只要喜悅而不要憤怒；
我拿什麼來換寂寞呢？

-陳昇

statelessness

2009-01-06T07:45:54Z

Statelessness in Brunei

Brunei Darussalam, a country in South East Asia, has many stateless persons domiciled there. An important note is that the number of stateless persons increase every year because Brunei does not believe in jus soli but only jus sanguinis citizenship.[10] This causes serious problems of prejudice and discrimination faced by the parents and their children especially when it comes to immigration affairs whilst traveling. Furthermore, the government of Brunei does not have any process of nationalization. After passive protests by stateless persons (who are permanent residents of Brunei but who hold an International Certificate of Identity passport not recognised by most countries) in the local newspaper, the government responded by allowing stateless persons to become citizens if they sit for a written exam on their language proficiency in Bahasa Melayu (the local language). The test focuses on composition, comprehension, local tradition of the Malay race, local culture and knowledge of the Malay race, traditional Malay poems, the Royal Malay jargan and the names of the persons currently holding high government positions in the government such as ministers. This method of initiation is not without its flaws; many people do not know the language or local Malay culture, especially since many of such stateless persons are of Chinese nationality and because many of these cultures tested on are no longer prominent.

Many who go for this exam take breaks from their work to go for tuition and private study for months just to obtain such knowledge for the exam. Those who do, end up with more local traditional knowledge than most of those people who are granted citizenship naturally by birth. Many people pass this exam but many more others fail and keep on failing after numerous tries. Furthermore, the application process takes years each time. This process has been said to serve no purpose but to deny as many people as the government can from gaining citizenship. Many PR stateless persons feel that such steps by the government are unfavorable and citizenship should be granted to them by right of their birth on Brunei soil. Such practices are in contravention of Article 7 of Convention on the Rights of the Child[11] which Brunei ratified on 26th January 1996.[12] Article 7 states the following:

1. The child shall be registered immediately after birth and shall have the right from birth to a name, the right to acquire a nationality and as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents.

2. States Parties shall ensure the implementation of these rights in accordance with their national law and their obligations under the relevant international instruments in this field, in particular where the child would otherwise be stateless.

illumination on the perplexing subject thanks to wikipedia. how else might one see it other than take it to imply flaws in the law of the land.

hobozz @ 2008-12-02T11:09:00

2008-12-02T02:13:44Z

You invaded my heart and colonised my soul!
Now you occupy my mind day and night like a foreign army!

poached from Sinfest

hobozz @ 2008-06-10T21:30:00

2008-06-10T14:25:56Z

a dream, wherein you don't love me anymore. a chance, the price of 4 minutes. a suspicion, a disturbing thought formed on no basis at all. i wonder if i still had the pluck to pack up, leave it all behind, and just go?

possibility of happiness...extended

2008-06-04T13:46:16Z

got sick yesterday. both sense of the word. threw up 3 times at least. at work. another once when i got home. kind of amazing how much control one can have on oneself in public. have felt pretty shit on my journey home, especially the part of riding the train with crowds of sickening people, all nasties contained until you hit the one place where you know another second can't wait for you to break all inhibitions and let go, the one place where you know it's safe to do so. have been gravely concerned that co-workers would think that was due to nerves. nerves on meeting my first new client. a student suggested that, who had heard me retch. of course not. if it were that must have been some nerves! it was my lunch. self-cooked and self-packed. i had diarrhoea too. twice. so much for being self-sufficient and packing my own lunch.

i have always thought the word sorry can be often spoken too recklessly, too easily. kind of like it is being said because it seems the right thing to do, what is expected of one by society. not so much as a function of how truly remorseful one is. at best an ad hoc, superficial buffer. i can't say i have completely shifted from that. but more and more i'm starting to embrace the opposite stance that people can be quite stingy when it comes to dispensing said word. not because they are unapologetic. perhaps more because with each expression of the word you admit defeat to its recipient. and with defeat must come losing face. and the unspoken admission (again to the recipient) of the bigger need for you to placate him, hence possibly feeding his ego that he has some sort of dominance over you. nothing to do with one's feelings of apology or regret. but everything to do with the virtual sensation of being stung on the face by conceding to saying sorry (first). at least for me i find it inexcusable to refuse to say sorry to the person i care about, whom i have been made known i have inadvertently upset by my word or action.

don't want another ain't gon' never be another can't nobody do what you do to me

2008-05-23T07:06:39Z

seems a rare occasion that i find myself in, an empty space in the relentless transitioning of life, in which i am able again to connect with the primitive-originality of the soul, the mother nature of myself, and all its stipulations. i do not mean by that i have not been living in keeping with whatever i have just earlier described; at least not so much as that i have consciously been living life to the hilt, occupying myself with tasks - activity quite disparate from my habitude, and more tangible thus more understandable, even when half of them could regrettably be labelled as chores - as a result of which rendering myself knackered, and in a sort of warped sense, feeling more legitly fulfilled. tiredness and laziness/dormancy/inactivity have suddenly seemed confusable, the former being overrated by the convenient disguise of the latter; and, really, simply because tiredness can, with every effortful endeavour to be a little more palatable to the collective understanding of the majority world, become even more than what it used to be. going against the grain is tiring, but i suspect having to not go against the grain can be all the more taxing.

chyi yu craze pt. 2

2008-04-03T15:08:44Z

艺术人生 interview
tracy, you ever seen this?

c'est la vie

飛鳥與魚
this song came alive once again, because of what it might mean/have meant for herself.

chyi yu

2008-03-31T17:27:39Z

do i have to wait another 20 years.

only slightly less than i used to

2008-03-29T08:04:08Z

it might come as a relevation that i can get tired too, not physically so much as mentally tired. so, should you ever need or want me in one way or another, you know where to find me, and know that i'm more than happy to be your entertainment when i can to the best of my ability. i've only just begun to grasp the importance of protecting myself.

snippets of a life put behind

2008-03-15T10:12:58Z

Dear XX
*please use this wisely*
(enclosed is a comb)

NICE PURPLE PANTS! =) ENJOY URSELF! HAPPI B-DAY.

Having a perfectionist like u in the team is really good, at least when I don't have the energy to be picky, u can take over.

Hey! I just wanna thank you for your presence in my life. Although we don't hang out together so often, but i know that we have something that is in us, that can sustain a real friendship. I apologise if i ever step your tail in our decades of friendship.

AND YOU ARE A SPECIAL FRIEND TO ME TOO. HOPE TO SEE YOU BACK HERE NEXT YEAR...(IN ONE PIECE).

haha, wanna graduate also no belt, shoes, shirt. toot.

HEY, IT'S BEEN GREAT KNOWING YOU! DIDN'T KNOW YOU'RE SUCH A SPASTIC KID. HEHEHE...
YOU CAN BE STUPIDLY FUNNY & THAT'S NOT A VERY GOOD THING. HEHEHE... JUST JOKING LAR...

Your drawings have definitely changed the whole ambience of the church.

A thinker

You'd probably have few doubts & questions lingering but do not ever feel afraid to ask - which I see you don't - and that's very good! You show yourself being very teachable & your humility holds a certain wisdom... You can move mountain with that =)

Also, when you are back in Perth already, if you have anything need to buy, just email me.

But actually I'm a nice person, unlike SOMEONE who always does stupid things. I just realised soM.Ething... HAHAHA... Anyway CONGRATULATIONS lah!

XX
TAHNIAH!
Cepatnya tiga tahun. Akhirnya 'mu tamat kursus sains di UWA. Tamat juga semua kenangan yang pahit dan manis di UWA.
(Bahasa Melayu ku cacat. Tak faham, tanya saya...)
Haraplah persahabatan ini berkekalan. Haraplah hubungan mu dan 'ayah di syurga' juga bertambah baik! Amen!

XX
...first mentioned the "Spirit of Generosity" a few faces flashed through my mind. Yours was the first one. =)
You are a very generous person. You give lots of time and energy and ideas and help... all without complaints.
You show lots of supports and most of them are behind the scene.

*If the whole cell was put in the island to compete for $1 million... you would be the winner!!!

it's alright, ma (i'm only bleeding)

2008-01-29T10:24:26Z

Darkness at the break of noon
Shadows even the silver spoon
The handmade blade, the child's balloon
Eclipses both the sun and moon
To understand you know too soon
There is no sense in trying

Pointed threats, they bluff with scorn
Suicide remarks are torn
From the fool's gold mouthpiece, the hollow horn
Plays wasted words, proves to warn
That he not busy being born
Is busy dying

Temptation's page flies out the door
You follow, find yourself at war
Watch waterfalls of pity roar
You feel to moan but unlike before
You discover that you'd just be one more
Person crying

So don't fear if you hear
A foreign sound to your ear
It's alright, Ma, I'm only sighing

As some warn victory, some downfall
Private reasons great or small
Can be seen in the eyes of those that call
To make all that should be killed to crawl
While others say don't hate nothing at all
Except hatred

Disillusioned words like bullets bark
As human gods aim for their mark
Made everything from toy guns that spark
To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark
It's easy to see without looking too far
That not much is really sacred

While preachers preach of evil fates
Teachers teach that knowledge waits
Can lead to hundred-dollar plates
Goodness hides behind its gates
But even the president of the United States
Sometimes must have to stand naked

An' though the rules of the road have been lodged
It's only people's games that you got to dodge
And it's alright, Ma, I can make it

Advertising signs that con
You into thinking you're the one
That can do what's never been done
That can win what's never been won
Meantime life outside goes on
All around you

You lose yourself, you reappear
You suddenly find you got nothing to fear
Alone you stand with nobody near
When a trembling distant voice, unclear
Startles your sleeping ears to hear
That somebody thinks they really found you

A question in your nerves is lit
Yet you know there is no answer fit
To satisfy, insure you not to quit
To keep it in your mind and not forget
That it is not he or she or them or it
That you belong to

Although the masters make the rules
For the wise men and the fools
I got nothing, Ma, to live up to

For them that must obey authority
That they do not respect in any degree
Who despise their jobs, their destinies
Speak jealously of them that are free
Do what they do just to be
Nothing more than something they invest in

While some on principles baptized
To strict party platform ties
Social clubs in drag disguise
Outsiders they can freely criticize
Tell nothing except who to idolize
And then say God bless him

While one who sings with his tongue on fire
Gargles in the rat race choir
Bent out of shape from society's pliers
Cares not to come up any higher
But rather get you down in the hole that he's in

But I mean no harm nor put fault
On anyone that lives in a vault
But it's alright, Ma, if I can't please him

Old lady judges watch people in pairs
Limited in sex, they dare
To push fake morals, insult and stare
While money doesn't talk, it swears
Obscenity, who really cares
Propaganda, all is phony

While them that defend what they cannot see
With a killer's pride, security
It blows the minds most bitterly
For them that think death's honesty
Won't fall upon them naturally
Life sometimes must get lonely

My eyes collide head-on with stuffed
Graveyards, false gods, I scuff
At pettiness which plays so rough
Walk upside-down inside handcuffs
Kick my legs to crash it off
Say okay, I have had enough
What else can you show me?

And if my thought-dreams could be seen
They'd probably put my head in a guillotine
But it's alright, Ma, it's life, and life only

bob dylan
1965

to each his own

2008-01-22T15:24:53Z

when attitudes of the most fundamental kind clash, there can be no question of agreement or disagreement, for everything one says or does is interpreted from within those attitudes. it is therefore not surprising that there should be frustration and incomprehension on both sides.

it would require tremendous effort to shed one's ego that harbours the thought that one's attitudes are, even in the narrowest way, better, nobler than the other's, if not the other's more ill-formed, an act that, to be completely truthful, i cannot at the present time see myself commit, quite independent of a favourable, illogical desire to, and i suspect never will.

the answer lies within the question

2008-01-15T13:02:49Z

worries are mounting that my private under-the-breath mumblings are getting louder with each frequenter occurrence, and before i realise it soon enough to check it i would be staging a full-blown soliloquy drawing many an inquisitive stare. and i wonder why this is. is it what they call part of the prodrome to an impending illness invisible to the masses? or, could it be the utmost state of oblivion found at the end of a pagan questor's pilgrimage perhaps, wherein nothing else but a pure peaceable self-interest takes over, untampered by sordid human consciousness? ...

strangely i have also maintained if not actively nurtured a proclivity of mentally rehearsing make-believe quarrels that might have ensued within the real context of a possible imaginary unjust event that could have befallen me or anyone. again the exact truth of the matter escapes me but my pseudo-educated guesses would ascribe it to but a not totally unexpected means of an immense tension release with the additional mechanism of psychological projection. however, the question that immediately arises is in regard to the fate that the covert belligerence must have on one's system, since even if it is a release it is not of the kind directed outwards, so surely the sudden burst of negative energy within certain confines would be all the more disruptive? ...

which is worse: being atheist or agnostic? while i am quite certain one can be both atheist and agnostic, i wonder if one cannot be agnostic-christian[or insert other religion]? ...

happy anniversary

2008-01-14T12:38:54Z

to the illusion of the truth. to the truth of the illusion.
to the loneliness of intimacy. to the intimacy of loneliness.
to many more days spent together. to a great better dream lived together.

into the leap year

2008-01-01T14:46:58Z

so the first moments of my new year were passed in a leaden yet relaxed state of consciousness, a disinhibited yet controlled mode of action. sometimes i find sadly overwhelming my incapacity for enjoying a special occasion thoroughly; could allow myself to do a few little silly things alright, but as far as giving full rein to the primitive wild playfulness of a child at my core with little/no regard for consequences, i feel for me that fundamental privilege has somehow been precluded. possibly too this is the fact for everyone else in the group so that there simply cannot be a sense of a synergistic effect from the guarded interaction each one is only inclined to offer.

a friend said to me it is difficult enough as it is, so why make things even more so? although that sounded every bit like sense to me, i'm concerned that i couldn't immediately think up a smart retort in reply (not that there had to be one if it made sense), or a smarter one than that i don't. not that i like to deliberately make things more difficult by infinitely complicating them so much as i don't believe i need to, or much less want to, live the complex stereotypes that have sprung to existence only from certain people's ideology. as with many others, stereotypes is one thing that is meant to help but they are often so abused and twisted and misapplied to the extent they have become like traps. woe betide! unless the very will against such stereotypical conformity poses the ultimate snag to achieving the idealised state of happiness that i've been pursuing all my life?

been wished joy and happiness

2007-12-30T14:54:21Z

there is something about reality that makes it rather intriguing. hence anything based on reality holds a certain attraction for me, and even if not at once attractive it is bound to encompass some hidden value(s) that is/are worth examining. that is not to imply i find reality splendid or necessarily agreeable about which one can feel complacent or indifferent, but i feel it should (pardon my being paternalistic) once perceived trigger a sort of deep visceral reaction in oneself which is more than a mere perturbation/excitation of the senses or the mind. the attraction reality presents through some skilful portrayal commands my enjoying it, never the fact that it is often ugly and seem direly irremediable; but for that it is for the most part truth, is what grounds us, connects us to the powerful here and now so readily taken for granted and hence not thought/done enough about; not only for the awareness of the need to portray not just any reality but the laudable bold ingenuity in attempting to capture harsh elusive dismal regrettable truth (or what is perceived to be) in its most primitive plainest form.

enlightenment required

2007-12-13T14:37:12Z

have you not ever wondered what trust is composed of, what the substance of faith is? you listen to someone speak, you read an article somewhere, and the worst is this, you hear a rumour the origin nor messenger of which can be conveniently attestable, how likely are you to take its veracity (if any to begin with) for granted, believe it thoroughly, and allow its assimilation into your system? if your tendency is just as well as mine to say it depends, what then amongst a multitude of prerequisites, antecedents, present confounding factors, and other possibilities is it dependent upon? could the right amount of discernment tarnished by an inherent personal bias the key to determining one's response to a particular message or stimulus? even if that is it is only too obliviously introverted or even obscure of an outlook. what about the idea of the attractiveness of packaging and gimmicks (if need be), the manner of delivery and body language, the charisma and convincing power, perhaps psychological manipulation by the capable, asks probably the perceptive extrovert?

remembering the forgotten

2007-12-11T14:19:49Z

i really do wish to write, but wish even more to know what is worthy of writing about. i still look at the clock at work making private little celebrations at each hour that passes swiftly enough, but at the same time dreading that with such rapid lapse of days and weeks i am relentlessly being shoved too quickly ahead towards the gaping point of no return of adult duties and responsibilities, for which i haven't felt much more ready in the whole interim of growing older (up-per?). at 25 *shudders* i'm mind-stuck in the mode of forever waiting, waiting whatever for i know not, perhaps until it all explodes into being, then i could only hope to gather enough of a sort of requisite mettle to follow that through. maybe the heart of the matter is in the attitude, and the solution at least in part an attitudinal change. (saying this in fact is an affront to my persistent thinking that my attitude has always generally been a rather good one by the humblest of standards, but i suppose no-one's perfect and it's all about bringing it as near perfection as possible.) so this sounds like, if they are not yet outmoded, pretty good stuff for new-year resolutions. although it absolutely infuriates me to think there are external factors clearly beyond my control, and the least i could do is to affect a better attitude on my part to ward off the virtually never-changing ever-negative influences apart from me. new-year resolutions, new-year resolutions. no wonder one of my colleagues has not-so-unexpectedly resigned. i don't think i've ever looked forward to christmas so much.

Gibberish? Scat-singing!

2007-11-07T10:45:03Z

compare & contrast:
how high the moon
natalie gauci, australian idol top 3, 2007 (above)
ella fitzgerald, live, 1966 (below)

Mind the Mind

2007-10-15T08:13:06Z

spinning dubiosity

first saw this in an email attachment, and was convinced on not my first attempt that it's the mind that plays the trick. whilst the above link did to a degree demystify its dubious nature, i still think it fascinating enough to wanna duplicate it for my own record from marianne's original post - so thanks!

flowers in my mind

2007-09-11T13:36:05Z

in explaining his excited outburst of conversation towards me (also habitual, and repetitive on a single theme - if he realises it himself), he at work told me he just needed something onto which to channel his energy, just needed to talk to someone, lest he'd go fuckin' nuts.

why, in that instant i felt our hitherto separate universes merged, exploding in an aftermath of understanding - albeit only a product of my imaginings, and (therefore) necessarily one-sided. only i couldn't give it a body, my tangle of fervid incoherence yet finding not a method nor receptacle.

as abrupt and haphazard this post may seem to have been started (as is only my wont, no?), i am ending it, and perhaps know only how to do so, in similar fashion, but not without a pretty-sobering-if-not-a-tad-misguiding quote.

if we cannot see the inherent perfection in everything,
we are not looking widely enough.
-sandy stevenson

tuna talk pt II

2007-08-18T16:07:05Z

on the same subject, an article taken from here

Tuna, particularly yellowfin, often swim with schools of dolphins, and some tuna fishing methods catch the dolphins at the same time, killing or injuring them. Claims that tuna is ‘dolphin safe’ or ‘dolphin friendly’ supposedly mean these methods weren’t used.

However, according to our sister organisation, the US Consumers Union, there’s no iron-clad guarantee that dolphins haven’t been harmed, despite what’s written on the side of the can. There’s no universal and independent verification of such claims, for example by observers who board fishing boats or make surprise visits to canneries to inspect captains’ logs.

When we asked the major Australian manufacturers about the ‘dolphin safe’ logo we got mostly vague responses. One assured us that all incoming shipments to its canneries must be accompanied by a ‘dolphin safe’ certificate signed by the seller and also a signed captain’s statement certifying that the fish is ‘dolphin safe’. But what credibility do these documents have when there’s little independent inspection?

If you buy skipjack it’s more likely to be ‘dolphin safe’ than yellowfin. Dolphins don’t normally swim alongside the smaller skipjack tuna.

Several different species of the tuna family end up in cans. Some manufacturers name the species on the label, but most don’t. Twenty years ago, when CHOICE last looked at tuna, the species most likely to be in the can was southern bluefin. But this time we found yellowfin, skipjack, tongol, or what’s labelled as ‘northern bluefin’ tuna.

Southern bluefin is now much too expensive to find its way into cans. It’s getting scarce and its flavour and darker colour make it very popular in Japan for sashimi. The same goes for genuine northern bluefin.

However, in Australia ‘northern bluefin’ is a name that can be given to tongol. Tongol is a smaller species of tuna, particularly found along the Thai coastline. Its meat has an almost white colour and a very mild flavour that makes it particularly suitable for canning.

The most likely tuna to end up in a can is skipjack, followed by yellowfin. Skipjack’s one of the smaller species and also the most abundant. The meat has a darkish colour, sometimes slightly pinkish, and a more fishy taste then some other tuna species. When there’s no specific species mentioned on the label the fish is most likely to be skipjack - or a combination of skipjack and yellowfin.